Life After the Alter
Life after “the altar” is sometimes when things get very real. We met the author of a blog named After the Alter & not only do we love the blog, we love Jennifer as well. She is honest, down-to-earth and wise beyond her years. We were able to catch up with this new mommy to be and are happy to introduce her to you.
We love the title of your blog. What inspired you to blog?
My husband always jokes that I have a lot of words that I need to get out in one day–basically saying I talk a lot. So when the idea of a blog came out I was excited. I knew I wasn’t an “expert” in anything, but I did have the desire to be as good as a wife that I could be, and I wanted to share my experience with others. The name “After The Alter” represents my life after being married (Altar) and all the changes that go with it (Alter). Over time the blog has gone from my life as a wife, to my life after a miscarriage, to my life trying to conceive and now my life as a pregnant woman. I truly enjoy sharing it all!
Sometimes after the wedding cake is eaten and the final song of the reception is played, it seems the “rest” will fall into place of starting a family. That wasn’t quite the journey you had. Can you tell us about it?
I think when we dream about what life will be like after being married you see it all as a bunch of steps..ok, so now I’m married. Then comes the house, then children and so forth. When my husband and I decided we were ready to have children we had no idea of the road we would eventually take. We got pregnant on our first try, only to find out a few weeks later that I had suffered a miscarriage. I am not sure one can describe the pain and sadness that comes with that. Not only are you left to deal with the physical aspects of it, you are left to deal with all the shattered dreams that you already had made for your future child. After that loss, our road didn’t get any easier. Trying to conceive became more of an effort than anything else and as time moved on I got more worried that my dreams of becoming a mother just may not come true. No one tells you that getting pregnant isn’t always an instant thing. Blogging helped me cope. I enjoyed sharing my story with others and I enjoyed having others reach out to me. After 7 months of actively trying we finally got our miracle. I was pregnant! I had so many mixed emotions…I was so excited but at the same time scared. I sometimes feel that the joy one is supposed to feel when they see that positive result on the pregnancy test was stolen from me due to my loss, but I guess it is what it is. Now, I am almost 7 months pregnant and truly enjoying every second of my pregnancy. We are truly blessed.
What got you through the grief of a miscarriage and what gave you hope as you started TTC again?
There is a lot of grief that comes with a miscarriage. Some will say “well at least it happened early”, but I don’t think it really matters. Once you find out your pregnant you begin to have dreams of the future…and then they are all taken away in an instant. My husband was amazing and sometimes I think that the tragedy brought us closer. We had just been married 1 year, and it was good to know that he really was there for me in good times and in bad. Other than my husband my best support was through an online chat forum which consisted of women who all had been through the same thing. They were amazing women. It was great being able to share with people who truly understood. It seems that other people either tried to offer advice or comfort that really wasn’t helpful. Words like “everything happens for a reason” and “It just wasn’t your time” are not words that I took comfort in at all. Blogging was also a huge help. It was like a personal journal I shared with others. I felt that if I could just help 1 person out there not feel alone, then I was happy. Because when it happened to me I felt somewhat alone. TTC was also hard and scary. It’s the hardest thing when you want something just so bad and you can’t achieve it. I tried to stay positive the best I could. Trust me, it wasn’t always easy. But what kept me going was the belief that I would get my chance to one day be a mom…
What are you looking forward to the most about being a mom?
I am looking forward to almost everything about being a mom. I really believe it’s my true calling in life. There is nothing I want more. I can’t wait to have my baby look up at me and smile. I can only imagine the feeling of seeing this little child staring at you thinking you are the only thing that matters in the world. I look forward to each milestone as they come. The smiles, the turning over, the laughing, the crawling….I can’t wait to look at the world through his eyes. I can only imagine that it is the most amazing thing in the world.
What scares you the most about parenting and what aspect would you like advice about?
Wow..I am terrified of a lot of things! This is the first child on both sides of the family, and I have ZERO experience with babies. I haven’t even changed a diaper since I was 14! I guess if I had to narrow it down the one thing that scares me the most is the sleepless nights, and how I will cope with that. Another thing I am scared of weeding through everyone’s advice. It seems that EVERYONE knows the best way to do things. Who knows best? Doctors? Parents? I am thinking the answer is that I need to figure out what’s best for me…but how?
Now for a quick glance into Jen’s life.
What is one thing always in your fridge? Before pregnancy the answer would be Wine! Lol Since then things have gotten a little more boring and I would say milk.
What color is your nursery? Baby Blue and beige!
Will you miss any aspect of being pregnant? Is it bad to say I love the attention? I really am enjoying this time and taking it for myself. I know once the baby is here I will be old news.
If someone was going to write a book on your life, what would they title it? Wow that’s a toughie! Life Is Too Short To Be Anything but Happy. It’s a long title but it’s something I truly believe in. I have led a very happy life, and it’s my goal always to find happiness in everything. There is no point dwelling on being miserable right?
Posted September 20, 2010