One Mom’s Journey to Adoption
We have had quite an array of moms on our Mom Monday this month. This past month we met first-time moms, single moms, moms of large families and today we meet a mom whose “mommy heart” has extended way past the borders of the USA all the way to China! Meet Mollie – an adoptive mom who reminds us what true motherhood is all about.
What inspired you to look into adoption?
I had a deep desire in my heart always to be a mom & that desire was in my heart for a very long time… I always knew I wanted to experience raising a child to be a kind, loving, responsible adult. Being one of 6, I did not always get exactly what I needed in terms of nurturing, yet I was loved like no other. I just knew I could give the nurturing necessary to a little one and I was determined to have that in my life. I married later at 42, my options soon became very clear for me… adoption was the way we were going to form our family.
My heart went to the girls of China when I heard that they were not the first choice for some families. I knew they “should be” first choice and I felt a tug in my heart to become a mother of one of those girls that had been abandoned in China.
What has been your biggest surprise about your journey to being an adoptive mom?
The amount of scrutiny one goes through, the amount of private information needed and the amount of paper one must provide for the process!
What has your biggest challenge?
Trusting myself. Feeling my instincts and believing that they are right when making choices for those “guiding moments” for my daughter…. Picking the battles so to speak. It is constant decision making, thinking on my feet and having conviction to the choices as to guiding.
Thankfully I have a faith that helps me have a solid sense of grace when working with my daughter…
Children read our energy and they can tell whether our limits are real or whether we will be willing to be broken… so it is more than just the words it is the real deal… I feel I have to have all my wits about me and really know that I am the mom and I am doing what’s best for her always.
It is all about consistent limits and getting on my knees looking her in the eyes so she can see my love even thought I am having to set limits.
That conviction and energy is something-to keep up one needs to take true care of oneself, mentally, spiritually, physically.
Have your families and friends been supportive of your decision?
I am so fortunate to have so many friends and family members that were so thrilled to see our daughter come to us. It was no different than any other birth of a child. A bit more exciting from the point of view — we had a point by point blog going as we traveled to China and got Maggie…. We posted our picture journeys and have record of all our friends/family delights for our new little girl!
Do you feel that people treat you differently for adopting or do they see that being a mom goes beyond physical birth?
There are those that do think it is different. They may have not had the experience of not being able to have children of their own… or they just don’t get it. For the most part I feel like everyone else, same joys, trials etc. Mom to mom it is the same…
Does your daughter know she is adopted? How did you explain it to her?
Yes, I explained it to her through books that are age appropriate. We have been reading I Love You Like Crazy Cakes since she arrived in the US. It is a book about a mom that adopted from China. She knows she was born in China. I am not quite sure she knows what “birth mom” really is yet, but we will give her the information as she can understand.
The idea is to always talk about it, as it is like an everyday topic. So that she knows and is not surprised by anyone outside our family talking about adoption.
How do you incorporate her Chinese culture into your family?
We have her in an immersion Chinese school she goes to every Sat morning. We have a playgroup that we are involved in, they are all adoptive families with children from China. We belong to FCC Families with Children from China, they have programs we can go to. Also, we are fortunate to have some Chinese friends, they really help us know the culture and help Maggie know it
Any advice for families looking towards adoption?
If you have an ounce of interest in adoption… go for it! It was the most outstanding experience I have ever had in my entire life!!! Like none other!
Now for a quick glance into Mollie’s life.
What is one thing always in your fridge? La Croix (Seltzer Water) – I love the bubbles…I have gotten my husband and Maggie hooked on it too. Sshe calls it “Bubbly Water.”
What is your one guilty pleasure? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sundaes
If you had a free day to yourself, how would you spend it? Shop for wardrobes for my friends and then play on the beach with Maggie and my husband!
If someone was going to write a book on your life, what would they title it? Persistent Grace
Thank you Mollie for sharing your journey to adoption with us.
If you have a question or comment for Mollie, please feel to leave it in the comment section!
Posted May 24, 2010