It’s my first day back to work at Kolcraft which seems fitting since it’s Mom Monday. It feels like an eternity since I’ve last blogged (for those who are not long-time readers, I worked up until the day before I went into labor which was August 9, 2011). In so many ways before baby (now known as BB) seems like a whole other life. What have I been doing since August? I’ve been getting to know the little girl who has truly changed me.
BB I never left the house without looking “put together”. Now if I am able to run a brush through my hair I consider that “put together”. I used to be able to knock out multiple errands in an hour. Now I consider it a victory if I can do one errand. I used to be able to leave the house with just a small pocketbook. Now I resemble a pack-mule lugging a diaper bag, daycare “stuff”, car seat – you name it. But the biggest change from BB is one you can’t really notice from the outside, because it’s one that has happened in my heart. I’ve felt concern on a level I’ve never had to endure before. I’ve learned to love in a whole new way. And I’ve experienced a deep, profound joy that I never knew existed.
Yes, these past three months were about diapers, spit up, sleepless nights, crying and unfortunately sickness. I’m not saying it was easy (I have a whole new respect for Stay At Home Moms), but it was a precious time I will always cherish. Now I’m moving to the next phase of learning the lesson of “letting go”. I dropped off my baby at daycare and it broke my heart to have to leave her. It’s not easy to be a mom who works outside the home, but it is what it is and I find myself having to trust in a whole new way. I have to trust that these people will care for my baby and look out for her best interests and do a good job at it. I can’t control this – I just have to let go. I’m lucky I am returning to a workplace with a compassionate boss, a president and CEO who stopped by to make sure I was “ok” and welcome me back and great co-workers. I also love what I do. I get to work with amazing moms and dads who help me to become a better parent.
Motherhood is a crazy ride I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams how exhausting it is, but more than that how each second bursts forth with love and possibility as I marvel at the gift of my little girl. So here I am – back to work and blessed beyond belief.